A beautiful winter wonderland. Sparkling. Fresh. Perfect. Post from November 2021.
And then there’s the monster. Me. Again. Yes, I have succumbed to some of my old monstrous ways. But it’s not as bad as before. I’m not in hospital this time. I’m in a winter wonderland!
Storm Arwen
Storm Arwen pulled down some of our old pines and left us with no electricity for a couple of days. But we were cosy and well fed. We played board games and stoked the fire. We listened to audio books in the dark till the iPad ran out of power.
The Monster
Before that, when I could feel the beginnings of monstrosity happening, I ran round doing things I knew I might not be able to do for long. I bought festive food in the shops. I visited Berrybrae Stone Circle.
The trees around the circle looked dark and forbidding.
I found it hard to climb up onto the wee wall around it with my gammy leg. But I made it…
Like Elizabeth wrapped in a plaid, savor the pages of Fireflies and Chocolate and wait for that “bonny” feeling, “I’ve come home.”
Dorothy, the reviewer, also put the review up on her website here with some lovely Scottish photos.
Back to the Winter Wonderland
So, for now, I’m content to read blogs and reviews and take short hobbles through the beautiful snow, feeling glad to be able to return to electricity and the cosy fire… and maybe even a bit of writing.
Aberdeen’s 1597 witchcraft panic (mermaid) and 18th century kidnappings (fireflies) combine with love and hope in THE MERMAID AND THE BEAR & FIREFLIES AND CHOCOLATE. Christmas features in both books!
Crying while writing. Crying while editing. And even crying while thinking about writing, as the scenes, both happy and sad, play out in my mind. It’s no wonder I’m sometimes dehydrated!
So, am I the only one?
Tell me I’m not.
I can’t be.
Emotive writing is, just that. Springing from emotion. Causing of emotions. If the writer isn’t fully immersed, how can the reader ever be?
Rhododendron flowers on the pink bench
So. I sob on.
Ox Eye Daisy
The latest line, from SISTERS, to set me off was: In the midst of great loss, the newness of a baby helps.
Floods.
Breathlessness.
I’m welling up just looking at the line now, overcome by all that it references.
Editing
This emotional aspect of writing is one of the many reasons good, thorough, even brutal, editing is so important. We, or at least I, need someone less attached, someone who did not write the words and scenes, to look at the work objectively and say: this could be better; this is not clear; were you under the influence of one of your stronger prescription drugs when you wrote this? Because in our, or my, invested blubbering state, we might not see it. We might not know.
The book is on its way back for edit three soon (GWL did spoil me with their three editing process, and I won’t do less now), so all is well there.
It is possible that illness is making me worse, crying-wise. I feel a bit pathetic and vulnerable. But that will pass. I will get stronger again. And you’ll get nice sensible and scenic posts about castles and standing stones 🙂
But for now, I recover – from both medical conditions and writing – in the garden. Among the flowers. With a candle.
This post was originally published in 2022. The book mentioned above is out now, detailed below.
Sisters at the Edge of the World
When Morragh speaks to another person for the very first time, she has no idea that he is an invader in her land…
Set in 1st century Scotland, SISTERS AT THE EDGE OF THE WORLD includes the battle of Mons Graupius between the Romans and the Caledonian tribes. The book features a neurodivergent main character and some rather complicated romance…
In TENDU (out now) some rather strange dance research takes place in the dungeon studio of the castle. Much has changed in the story that I first conceived thirteen years ago, but that part has stayed more or less the same.
Childhood Memories
My late father was a research scientist, and I grew up hearing about how scientific studies can be heavily influenced by those that finance them and how they can be geared to lead to desired results. They can sometimes be unscientific. And unethical. It was all very interesting, and it stuck with me.
I should note that Amalphia’s parents are not based on my parents. Lynn and James Treadwell (very minor characters) are an example of the narcissist/enabler dysfunction as described in the book Toxic Parents.
I do four grand pliés in fourth and fifth position every morning while I wait for the kettle to boil for tea. It feels like a strong way to start the day. I find it calming and grounding. And I need that just now, with a book release so close. For several years, due to illness, my legs were too weak to manage this exercise, so it’s joyous as well as beneficial.
The benefits of dance for conditions such as dementia and Parkinson’s disease are becoming quite well known, of course, and it’s dancers’ brains that get studied in my books. They have been studied quite a bit in the real world too. Examples below:
The fictional research I created is a bit different from these very serious studies. It had to have some instant and dramatic effects to be interesting as part of a novel. Different characters will believe different things about those effects over the series, and I hope it’s entertaining to read!
About the books
Scotland’s all misty lochs and magical forests and perfect boyfriends, right?
When dance student Amalphia Treadwell embarks on a secret relationship with her rich, handsome teacher, she has no idea of the danger that lurks in his new school in Scotland.
My dance background and love of history and spicy stories are what inspired this heady mix of contemporary romance and ballet set in a castle. Readers of my historical fiction will recognise the castle and stone circle that feature in these books.
A Dancer’s Journey is available in paperback and Kindle and on Kindle Unlimited.
The witches’ brooms of this post are actually deformities in trees, often caused by a fungus. I rather like them, both their appearance and their name, probably because of interests like this. However, none are to be found on the gnarly, wizened hazel trees by the loch.
We have to venture deeper into the wood, and gaze up at the high branches of the birches, for that.
Witches’ Brooms
There they are!
They are often mistaken for nests.
Witches’ Knickers
No witches’ knickers today. And that’s good, as those are just plastic bags caught in trees or on fences, and not photogenic at all.
“The setting is ethereal and spellbinding as our main characters walk a fine line between what has been and what is to come. A beautiful tale of ancient wonders and kindred souls.”
Isobell needs to escape. She has to. Her life depends on it.
Taking place mainly in a fictional castle, THE MERMAID AND THE BEAR blends an often overlooked period of history, the Scottish witchcraft accusations, in particular the 1597 Aberdeen witchcraft panic, with a love story.
The Performance: sometimes going home for Christmas is just one huge performance…
When Ariel returns home from dance college, her mother expects her to perform the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy in a pink, sequined tutu in front of many, many party guests. Ariel adjusts the costume and choreography to expose dark truths about her life, but, as it turns out, this is not the biggest performance of the night…
New Books and Special Offers
If you would like to hear about new books and special offers, you can follow my Amazon author page.
Deer Abbey in Aberdeenshire is a beautiful sprawling ruin. It’s a peaceful place to visit. Reflective. A place to peer through old doorways into the past.
Into the kitchen…
The Man Trap
If I look back into my own past, I see myself in quite a state, just about to go into hospital and become monstrous. I am better this year. Better than that anyway. Able to go out and about to places other than my doctor’s surgery.
Which brings me to the man trap:
Man trap!
You would definitely need some medical intervention after stepping in that! It’s a hideous contraption that was designed to catch poachers, widely used in the 19th century by local Lairds. It’s not known how it came to be at Deer Abbey.
From one of the informational plaques, the man trap in use:
Ouch!
History of the Abbey
For 340 years, the Abbey housed a Cistercian community. The monks of Deer wore white robes and no underwear, a brave choice given Aberdeenshire’s low temperatures and the strong gales of winter.
Cloisters
After the reformation the building became the property of the Keith family. Mrs Keith dreamed of angry monks coming to destroy her home, Dunnottar Castle. And more recently, there have been sightings of a ghostly monk on the main road outside the Abbey. Maybe the old Cistercians do not rest easy yet.
A boundary of yews.
Remaining Beauty
I love the ancient trees of the Abbey grounds. And the pink hue of the crumbling walls. The hillside beyond is satisfyingly timeless, and probably offers quite a similar view to the one that the white robed monks looked out on.
An Autistic Dancer, a Byronic Hero and an Obsessive Scientist
Read my series A Dancer’s Journey. There’s ballet. There’s lots of naughtiness. And there’s peril!
Enjoy a kiss on the London tube in the first book, TENDU. Romp up and down the castle stairs. Dance in a stone circle. Attend a Ceilidh in the great hall. Have your brain studied in the dungeon. All fun, I assure you. Well, not quite all…
And there’s also this slightly strange little post about what the characters of A Dancer’s Journey get up to when I take a rare day off from writing.
Newsletter, Updates and ARCs
Go here to sign up for occasional emails that always include exclusive photos and news of my writing and life. They’re a bit more intimate than the blog. If you would like to hear about new books and offers, you can follow my Amazon author page.
Clouds of mist swirl over the surface of the loch.
The picture above was taken after an unexpectedly hot day led to unexpectedly beautiful conditions. Well, not completely unexpected. It’s always beautiful, always different.
Summer Loch
Summer brings lush green foliage and colour to the loch*. It’s not very deep so swimming can be warm, though muddy.
Autumn
That glassy ‘stand and stare’ stillness can happen at any time of year, but it most commonly occurs in Autumn. Sunsets are pink, silver or even purple. Whatever the sky is doing is intensified in reflection.
The Loch in Winter
Scottish winters are fierce. One year layer upon layer of ice and snow built up so thick that people and dogs ran about on top of the loch. I watched a fox run right across from one side to the other. It was at once surreal and yet so very real, unconnected from civilisation as it feels up there in the woods. No TV, no computers, just life and joy and fun on a natural huge flat screen among the trees.
I hope I will be well enough to walk up there soon. And what will await? A liquid mirror? Slow moving ripples? The slightest change in airflow is made visible by water. If there’s blue in the sky, there will be blue in the loch. Maybe there’ll be whooping swans with their yellow beaks, or an otter leaping about on the banks. I love the sound of otters giggling in the evening… I miss it.
Whooper swans over the loch
* I freely admit to having overused the word ‘loch’ in this post. The word ‘lake’ is not a suitable substitute. If you don’t come from Scotland you can have no idea how very wrong that notion is. And while we’re at it, let’s make sure you’re saying/thinking the word right. The ‘ch’ sound is like a Scottish wildcat (something I once saw up by the large expanse of water, but no one believes me) hissing in the back of your throat. There you are, got it.
Boating days…
A Dancer’s Journey (completed series)
When dance student Amalphia Treadwell embarks on a secret relationship with her rich, handsome new teacher, she has no idea of the danger that lurks in his school in Scotland…
“POV: You thought it was just another ballet book… then it emotionally body-slammed you in pointe shoes. Slow burn, enemies to lovers, fate, and a Scottish setting that delivered.”See this TikTok review here
Castle Dancers (completed series)
The night before Ariel, a sixteen-year-old girl with a deformed hand, starts at the most prestigious dance school in Scotland, her mother tries to kill her…
“Knowing how beautiful each of Ailish Sinclair’s novels are, I tucked into Ariel giddily. Boy, did she deliver! I read this book with indulgent haste. Returning to the setting of previous novels, it was comforting to read this book. The way Sinclair writes makes it feel like the main character is speaking directly to the reader, making Ariel feel like a friend.”Goodreads review
Sisters at the Edge of the World
From the misty hills of ancient Scotland emerges a tale of love, betrayal, and the fight for freedom. Join Morragh in SISTERS AT THE EDGE OF THE WORLD for an unforgettable journey.
Set in the 1st century, the story includes the battle of Mons Graupius between the Romans and the Caledonian tribes. There’s a neurodivergent main character and some rather complicated romance!
Isobell needs to escape. She has to. Her life depends on it.
Set in a fictional castle in Aberdeenshire, Ailish’s debut novel, THE MERMAID AND THE BEAR, blends an often overlooked period of history, the Scottish witchcraft accusations, in particular the 1597 Aberdeen witchcraft panic, with a love story.
Torn out of an isolated life in a Scottish castle, Elizabeth embarks on a determined quest to return home. Exhilarating adventures unfold on the high seas, love blossoms, and the chocolate, purchased in Benjamin Franklin’s printing shop, is delicious!
FIREFLIES AND CHOCOLATE was inspired by the 600 children and young people who were kidnapped from Aberdeen during the 1740s and sold into indentured servitude in the American Colonies.
Did I take a pair of old pointe shoes and do some ballet in a stone circle? Yes. Yes, I did. (This is a post from 2023 that’s making me want to get out there and dance again!)
The reason for the oddly set ballet? Well, there’s more than one. Firstly, I’m well enough to dance around a bit. I am enduring one or two monstrous autoimmunity symptoms, but they don’t stop me dancing. And secondly, all three books of A Dancer’s Journey are now ready to dance out into the world!
Look at the pretty covers! And the less bashed (less good) pointe shoes…
Scotland’s all misty lochs and magical forests and perfect boyfriends, right?
When dance student Amalphia Treadwell embarks on a secret relationship with her rich, handsome teacher, she has no idea of the danger that lurks in his school in Scotland.
She’s soon dealing with her boyfriend’s beautiful and obsessive ex, the sinister research taking place at the castle school and her own ever-evolving relationship issues.
Amalphia works hard to be the best dancer she can be, but as tension builds within the old walls of the castle, she begins to wonder if she will ever escape the deep dark of the dungeon…
Dark, witty, steamy and fun, Tendu is a compelling and seductive story of love, dance and obsession.
More Ballet in a Stone Circle
The books do include some of this. It’s fun, and I highly recommend it. I hope you can all enjoy a celebratory dance too.
Rapunzel’s Tower appears over the trees in Drinnie’s Wood, dark and mysterious, a fairytale setting at the top of a hill. No hair is let down in answer to my call. Maybe the newly installed CCTV reveals me to be neither prince nor abusive mother figure, so I am ignored? Or maybe the words on the council sign are true, and the Drinnie’s Wood Observatory really is only open May-September.
Onwards and upwards. And downwards. Up the wrong path and back again. Up another, almost identical, path and… ta-da!
The Elusive Loudon Wood Stone Circle
It evaded me for years, this place. The entry to the narrow path is hidden by low hanging pine branches, and it wasn’t until the advent of Google Earth that I finally pinpointed its exact location.
I do like the white tree that stands opposite the large recumbent stone:
Most stone circles in Aberdeenshire are imbued with a deep peacefulness. This one seems alive somehow, buzzing with an undercurrent of ancient energy, like a radio still tuned to the past. Carved stone:
Back to the Future
Back to the present and a newly planted wind turbine, another tower I would like to look inside; see the inviting steps and door at the bottom? Surprisingly large, up close – diagonal was the only way to get the whole thing in shot – and surprisingly quiet, whoosh-whooshing us gently into the future.
Set in 1st century Scotland, SISTERS AT THE EDGE OF THE WORLD includes the battle of Mons Graupius between the Romans and the Caledonian tribes. The book features a neurodivergent main character and some rather complicated romance!
A mellow walk on the beach. A moment to catch our breath.
We start high up on the dunes and push our way through the long grasses, side-stepping to avoid the many large snails that live there, and then we walk onto the sand.
There we stare out over the wonderful, wonderful sea; it is showing green today. We stand and breathe the sweet air, and feel the gentle breeze on our faces.
It doesn’t stay bright and gentle for long. As is so often the way in Scotland, the weather is subject to swift change. By the time we leave the beach, the wind – a breeze no more – is swirling dark clouds over Tiger Hill, the largest dune on the skyline.
These books are so naughty that I’m a little worried nobody will be able to look me in the face again after reading them. But not that worried. They’re dancing out into the world right now.
When dance student Amalphia Treadwell embarks on a secret relationship with her charismatic new teacher, she has no idea of the danger that lurks in his school in Scotland…
“Knowing there are two more books in the series made it easier to accept that the tale was coming to an end. It can be so hard to finish a book when you are loving the story so much.” Molly on Amazon.com
Historical Dark and Romantic Books
My historical novels combine little-known dark events with love stories and a hint of magic.
Go here to sign up for occasional emails that always include some exclusive photos and news of my writing and life. They’re a more intimate space than the blog. If you would like to hear about new books and offers, you can follow my Amazon author page.
This hospital windows post was written in 2020. I’m doing a bit better now.
Diagnosis and Drugs
The start of the post title is a bit of a lie. In fact it’s a total fabrication. There’s no derring-dos on the high seas recounted here. I do have crutches, so am a bit peg-legged and I like to think there’s an (imaginary) parrot on my shoulder. I have been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder, so my body has basically been trying to kill me. I’m now on medication to stop those efforts, but I have to be checked once a week in case the drug makes its own attempts to kill me. So there are elements of the thriller genre at work in my life.
Finding Beauty through Hospital Windows
During my month of cannulas, needles, tests and scary procedures, I sought beauty where I could find it. Through the hospital windows. I woke the first morning to a beautiful pink sunrise and a rather wonderful view of St Nicholas Kirk steeple, the church that features in THE MERMAID AND THE BEAR. Despite the fact that I wrote of truly terrible events involving that steeple, I found it somewhat comforting to see it there. I felt a connection to the place. It lit up in the evening sun too.
Strange Covid Times
But I was soon moved. This was something that was being done due to Covid. Constant rearranging of patients between wards. Decisions made by ‘bed managers’, not medics. It didn’t make any sense to me, and the medical staff were pretty unimpressed by it too.
However, it meant that I got to see through many different windows. This next ward – oncology – had the worst view, just a small box of buildings, but the best bed. Air mattresses are magical things. Lying in them is a little bit like being hugged as they inflate and deflate to maximise your comfort.
I was soon off to sparkling chimney sunrises and sunsets.
The Party Room
Then, finally, the last of the hospital windows. At first I was quite annoyed about this move. Diagnosed and treated, just awaiting final tests, I was shunted away to what felt like a far-flung area of the hospital, and I no longer had my own room. I posted a somewhat morose quote from Lord of the Rings about the sunrise that morning on Instagram.
But it really worked out very well. The other three ladies I was with were lovely. There was kindness and understanding between us all, and we shared frequent laughing conversations, our room being referred to as the party room by the nurses.
And it had a swashbuckling sea view… just.
Review
While I was in hospital, a rather wonderful review went up on The Rose and the Thistle blog. Reading the opening line cheered me up instantly. “Before I go any further, I just have to say, this is one of the most beautifully written books I have ever read. Yes, it is written in one of my favorite time periods, and yes it takes place in one of my favorite places in all the world, but when you combine that with the almost poetic style of Sinclair’s writing—sigh!”See the whole review here.
From the provocative opening scene to the later dramatic and devastating events of the story, SISTERS AT THE EDGE OF THE WORLD is a book that will continually surprise, delight, and sometimes shock the reader. The novel features the beautiful hill of Bennachie, and the stone circles of Aberdeenshire, along with the cliffs and caves of Cullykhan Bay.
My dance background and love of history and steamy stories are what inspired this mix of contemporary romance and ballet set in a castle. Readers of my historical fiction will recognise the castle and stone circle that feature in these books.
A Dancer’s Journey is available in paperback, Kindle and on Kindle Unlimited.
There are no cliffhanger endings in this series; each book completes a story, but then there is more. So much more.
When dance student Amalphia Treadwell embarks on a secret relationship with her charismatic new teacher, she has no idea of the danger that lurks in his school in Scotland…
Review for TENDU: “This book has so much representation in its characters with autism, dyslexia, medical issues and LGBTQ+ characters…” Emma-Louise on Goodreads and TikTok
Come through the castle door to sign up to my occasional emails for exclusive photos and news of my writing and life. It’s a more intimate space than the blog. If you would like to hear about new books and special offers, you can follow my Amazon author page.
