chronic illness Archives - Page 2 of 4

November 18, 2025November 18, 2025

Crying While Writing: anyone else do this?

Crying while writing: Star of Bethlehem flowers — Star of Bethlehem in the meadow

Crying while writing. Crying while editing. And even crying while thinking about writing, as the scenes, both happy and sad, play out in my mind. It’s no wonder I’m sometimes dehydrated!

So, am I the only one?

Tell me I’m not.

I can’t be.

Emotive writing is, just that. Springing from emotion. Causing of emotions. If the writer isn’t fully immersed, how can the reader ever be?

crying while writing: Rhododendron flowers on the pink bench — Rhododendron flowers on the pink bench

So. I sob on.

The latest line, from SISTERS, to set me off was: In the midst of great loss, the newness of a baby helps.

Floods.

Breathlessness.

I’m welling up just looking at the line now, overcome by all that it references.

Editing

This emotional aspect of writing is one of the many reasons good, thorough, even brutal, editing is so important. We, or at least I, need someone less attached, someone who did not write the words and scenes, to look at the work objectively and say: this could be better; this is not clear; were you under the influence of one of your stronger prescription drugs when you wrote this? Because in our, or my, invested blubbering state, we might not see it. We might not know.

The book is on its way back for edit three soon (GWL did spoil me with their three editing process, and I won’t do less now), so all is well there.

It is possible that illness is making me worse, crying-wise. I feel a bit pathetic and vulnerable. But that will pass. I will get stronger again. And you’ll get nice sensible and scenic posts about castles and standing stones 🙂

But for now, I recover – from both medical conditions and writing – in the garden. Among the flowers. With a candle.

This post was originally published in 2022. The book mentioned above is out now, detailed below.

Sisters at the Edge of the World

When Morragh speaks to another person for the very first time, she has no idea that he is an invader in her land…

Set in 1st century Scotland, SISTERS AT THE EDGE OF THE WORLD includes the battle of Mons Graupius between the Romans and the Caledonian tribes. The book features a neurodivergent main character and some rather complicated romance…

Amazon UK

Amazon Worldwide

“Ethereal and spellbinding…” Historical Novel Society

Read the article Roman Aberdeenshire features in author’s new book from Grampian Online.

Newsletter and Free Story

You will receive a free short story in e-book form when you sign up for my occasional, more-intimate-than-the-blog newsletter (the story can be read in a browser too).

The Performance: sometimes going home for Christmas is just one huge performance…

Author Page and Signed Copies

If you would like to hear about new books and special offers, you can follow my Amazon author page. Signed copies are available from my kofi shop.

About Page

See my About Page here

Writer’s Tip Jar

September 17, 2025April 25, 2026

Holiday in a Day: Coast, Garden, Well, Forest

holiday in a day: window by Portsoy Harbour — Window by Portsoy Harbour

Originally posted August 2022. I went out for the day. I ended up visiting so many places that it felt like having a whole holiday in a day. It’s been a really long time since I did this. There’s been wee local trips here and there since this latest bout of illness. But it’s been years, literally, since I’ve been out in this way. Other ill times and lockdowns all stopped play for me in this regard.

I didn’t know how far I’d get, so just took one small step of the journey at a time, sharing on Twitter and Instagram as I went.

Holiday in a Day: the Red Well

First was the Red Well by Whitehills. I won’t write about it now as it features in SISTERS and deserves its own post (see that post here). It was beautiful, though, and provided a gentle start to the outing.

Portsoy Harbour

A little further up the coast, I came to the wonderfully scenic Portsoy Harbour, its window and dolphin sculpture also pictured above.

Speymouth Forest

The trip was going well, so on I went, and soon reached deep and dark Speymouth Forest.

I didn’t walk far, but there was so much beauty to be seen everywhere in the old woodland.

Lots of little pathways.

Biblical Garden

On and on I travelled, still feeling good. I took a walk in the Biblical Garden at Elgin. This garden contains 110 plants that are mentioned in the bible. It’s an interesting and peaceful place to visit, maintained by the horticultural students of Moray College.

Samson:

A rainbow:

Then the fear kicked in. Two competing fears actually. One that I might exhaust myself back into being ill, and the other that I might become ill again so should do as much as possible in one day.

I compromised by sitting quietly by the sea at Sandend for a while before heading home.

Holiday in a Day: Sandend — Note the jumping and boating people in the background!

TikTok

I made a short TikTok video of the day. I am new on there and really don’t know what I’m doing yet. Any advice welcome!

Sisters at the Edge of the World

“Ethereal and spellbinding….” Historical Novel Society

Amazon UK

Amazon Worldwide

See the article Roman Aberdeenshire features in author’s new book from Grampian Online.

More Books

Set in an Aberdeenshire castle, THE MERMAID AND THE BEAR features the Scottish witchcraft accusations, a handsome Laird, an ancient stone circle and a love story.

FIREFLIES AND CHOCOLATE was inspired by the 18th century kidnapped children of Aberdeen and is set in both Scotland and Colonial Pennsylvania.

Paperbacks and kindle: Amazon UK or Amazon Worldwide

“Filled with excitement and suspense…” Historical Novel Society

See my About Page here

Go here to sign up for my occasional emails that always include some exclusive photos and news of my writing and life. If you would rather just hear about new books and offers, you can follow my Amazon author page.

Tip Jar

September 16, 2025December 17, 2025

A Swashbuckling Adventure Through Hospital Windows

St Nicolas Kirk through a hospital window

This hospital windows post was written in 2020. I’m doing a bit better now.

Diagnosis and Drugs

The start of the post title is a bit of a lie. In fact it’s a total fabrication. There’s no derring-dos on the high seas recounted here. I do have crutches, so am a bit peg-legged and I like to think there’s an (imaginary) parrot on my shoulder. I have been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder, so my body has basically been trying to kill me. I’m now on medication to stop those efforts, but I have to be checked once a week in case the drug makes its own attempts to kill me. So there are elements of the thriller genre at work in my life.

Finding Beauty through Hospital Windows

During my month of cannulas, needles, tests and scary procedures, I sought beauty where I could find it. Through the hospital windows. I woke the first morning to a beautiful pink sunrise and a rather wonderful view of St Nicholas Kirk steeple, the church that features in THE MERMAID AND THE BEAR. Despite the fact that I wrote of truly terrible events involving that steeple, I found it somewhat comforting to see it there. I felt a connection to the place. It lit up in the evening sun too.

Strange Covid Times

But I was soon moved. This was something that was being done due to Covid. Constant rearranging of patients between wards. Decisions made by ‘bed managers’, not medics. It didn’t make any sense to me, and the medical staff were pretty unimpressed by it too.

However, it meant that I got to see through many different windows. This next ward – oncology – had the worst view, just a small box of buildings, but the best bed. Air mattresses are magical things. Lying in them is a little bit like being hugged as they inflate and deflate to maximise your comfort.

I was soon off to sparkling chimney sunrises and sunsets.

shiny chimneys through the hospital windows

The Party Room

Then, finally, the last of the hospital windows. At first I was quite annoyed about this move. Diagnosed and treated, just awaiting final tests, I was shunted away to what felt like a far-flung area of the hospital, and I no longer had my own room. I posted a somewhat morose quote from Lord of the Rings about the sunrise that morning on Instagram.

But it really worked out very well. The other three ladies I was with were lovely. There was kindness and understanding between us all, and we shared frequent laughing conversations, our room being referred to as the party room by the nurses.

And it had a swashbuckling sea view… just.

Review

While I was in hospital, a rather wonderful review went up on The Rose and the Thistle blog. Reading the opening line cheered me up instantly. “Before I go any further, I just have to say, this is one of the most beautifully written books I have ever read. Yes, it is written in one of my favorite time periods, and yes it takes place in one of my favorite places in all the world, but when you combine that with the almost poetic style of Sinclair’s writing—sigh!” See the whole review here.

Mermaid on Amazon

I later wrote an article on living with chronic illness

Doctors and Deadlines: Writing with Chronic Illness on Women Writers, Women’s Books.

My Latest Historical

From the provocative opening scene to the later dramatic and devastating events of the story, SISTERS AT THE EDGE OF THE WORLD is a book that will continually surprise, delight, and sometimes shock the reader. The novel features the beautiful hill of Bennachie, and the stone circles of Aberdeenshire, along with the cliffs and caves of Cullykhan Bay.

“Ethereal and spellbinding….” Historical Novel Society

Amazon UK

Amazon Worldwide

Read the article Aberdeenshire in Roman times takes centre stage in author’s latest book from AberdeenLive.

My Contemporary Books

A Dancer's Journey series by Ailish Sinclair

My dance background and love of history and steamy stories are what inspired this mix of contemporary romance and ballet set in a castle. Readers of my historical fiction will recognise the castle and stone circle that feature in these books.

A Dancer’s Journey is available in paperback, Kindle and on Kindle Unlimited.

There are no cliffhanger endings in this series; each book completes a story, but then there is more. So much more.

When dance student Amalphia Treadwell embarks on a secret relationship with her charismatic new teacher, she has no idea of the danger that lurks in his school in Scotland…

Series on Amazon UK

Series on Amazon worldwide

Series on Goodreads

Review for TENDU: “This book has so much representation in its characters with autism, dyslexia, medical issues and LGBTQ+ characters…” Emma-Louise on Goodreads and TikTok

About Page

See my About Page here

Come through the castle door to sign up to my occasional emails for exclusive photos and news of my writing and life. It’s a more intimate space than the blog. If you would like to hear about new books and special offers, you can follow my Amazon author page.

Writer’s Tip Jar

September 16, 2025September 16, 2025

Writing a Monster; Being a Monster

witch, not quite a monster: writing a monster — Arriving at a Halloween party in the past…

This ‘writing a monster’ post was originally posted in 2020. I’m doing much better now, though still writing and researching those historical monsters!

Being a Monster

I don’t need a Halloween costume this year (2020). I already look like a monster. The medication I’m on to stop my body killing me (condition lamented here) has made my face swell up. Like a moon. It is a well documented side effect actually referred to as ‘moonface’. The same drug is also causing insomnia, so I have massive eye bags that extend to what feels like halfway down my face. There’s quite a lot of bandage action across my body too, which adds an air of mummification fun to the whole ensemble.

I’m also pale. Pale like a ghost.

Writing a Monster

However, being a monster on the outside, in appearance, is nothing to being truly monstrous. While researching witch-hunting in preparation for writing THE MERMAID AND THE BEAR, I wanted to find a real monster, a person so enthused for the brutal activity that they could become a focal point for that dark energy in the story. History did not give him up easily. There was no obvious individual in the court documents or confessions. But I hunted him down and finally cornered the rogue in the financial accounts of Aberdeen.

In September 1597 William Dunn, Dean of Guild, was awarded, £47 3s 4d (the equivalent of £6000 in today’s money) for taking ‘extraordinary pains in the burning of a great number of witches’. It was unusual for someone to be given a large lump sum like this. With the exception of some witch prickers and those who sought to escheat their rich relatives, money was not commonly a motivating factor in the witch trials. William Dunn’s job was being in charge of the public money of the town, so he basically gave the cash to himself. I found you, Sir, and I made you smell of rotten fish! If you read the historical notes section of the book, you’ll see that I’ve also cast him as a metaphorical, though very real, devil.

mummification fun: writing a monster — Bandage action!

So now I’m editing FIREFLIES AND CHOCOLATE and, 150 years later, there is brief mention of the Dean of Guild again. It does seem to be a role associated with making money from the suffering of others, at least, historically, in Aberdeen. And, again, I am writing a monster.

Mermaid Review

There’s a review I forgot to mention earlier, being rather distracted by the task of becoming a monster. It’s from Undiscovered Scotland: “The Mermaid and the Bear is a delight from end to end. There is a superb level of description in the book, that transports the reader back to the sights, sounds and smells of 16th Century life in a Scottish castle.” See the whole review here.

A spooky wee quote for this spooky old season:

dungeon quote from THE MERMAID AND THE BEAR - writing a monster

Chosen Sisters, Romans and Romance

Ethereal and spellbinding... says the Historical Novel Society of SISTERS AT THE EDGE OF THE WORLD

Set in 1st century Scotland, my latest book, SISTERS AT THE EDGE OF THE WORLD, includes the battle of Mons Graupius between the Romans and the Caledonian tribes. The book features a neurodivergent main character and some rather complicated romance.

“Ethereal and spellbinding….” Historical Novel Society

See the press release here

Amazon UK

Amazon Worldwide

Review from Terry Tyler: “It’s a fabulous story, a real page-turner and so well written. It made me think about the passage and circle of time, of the constancy of the land on which we live and the transient nature of human life. Loved it.“

Read the article Roman Aberdeenshire features in author’s new book from Grampian Online.

See my About Page

Newsletter and Free Story

You will receive a free short story when you sign up for my occasional, more-intimate-than-the-blog newsletter (the story can be read in a browser too).

The Performance: sometimes going home for Christmas is just one huge performance…

New Books and Special Offers

If you would like to hear about new books and special offers, you can follow my Amazon author page.

Writer’s Tip Jar

September 12, 2025September 16, 2025

Colours of Autumn

The colours of autumn are all around now. Wind and rain too. And, sometimes, glorious golden sunshine, bright and hot and surprising.

Colours of autumn: heather by the witch stone

The heather is blooming by the Witch Stone.

Shadows deepen as the season progresses, and it does that quickly here in Scotland.

I have flu. I think my immune system is flexing its muscles after coming off the latest immune-suppressing medication. But I’ll be careful. Not like this previous time when I said I was recovering from flu and ended up in hospital with a collapsed lung…

I’m not nearly that ill, so I can write (Alexander is getting there now) and I can sit in the sun. So things are quite good really 🙂

A Dancer’s Journey Series

Scotland’s all misty lochs and magical forests and perfect boyfriends, right?

When dance student Amalphia Treadwell embarks on a secret relationship with her rich, handsome teacher, she has no idea of the danger that lurks in his new school in Scotland…

Series on Amazon UK

Series on Amazon worldwide

Review of the third title in the series on twitter/X this morning: Fouetté is sooooooooo goooooood! One of my top ten favorite books of all time!

About Page

See the About Page here

Go here to sign up for my occasional emails that always include some exclusive photos and news of my writing and life. If you would like to hear about new books and offers, you can follow my Amazon author page.

Writer’s Tip Jar

September 4, 2025January 12, 2026

Peely Wally Level 17

I will visit the beach once I am less peely wally

This Peely Wally post was originally published in January 2020.

Peely Wally Levels

Level 17 is actually an improvement. I think I was level 25 last week. But then I’m not the best when it comes to self assessment. In my last post I stated that I was ‘recovering from flu.’ Three days later I was admitted to hospital with pneumonia and a collapsed lung. And there I stayed for three weeks, receiving the most incredible care.

Wow, NHS.

Wow, nurses.

The picture is an old one, but it is my first post-pneumonia ambition. I will walk onto a beach sometime soon.

So, normal service will be resumed as the Peely Wally levels reduce. I hope you all had a good holiday time, if you celebrate, and that 2020 is a wonderful year!

Ariel: Dancing on TV

Torn from a life where she never fitted in, Ariel quickly becomes the focus of a reality TV show. Can she rise above a lifetime of pain and embrace the possibilities of fame and love that beckon to her?

Amazon UK

Amazon Worldwide

See series page for full blurbs

Castle Dancers Series by Ailish Sinclair — The next titles in the series release February 28th and March 31st

Newsletter and Free Story

You will receive a free short story when you sign up for my occasional, more-intimate-than-the-blog newsletter (the story can be read in a browser too). It’s listed on Goodreads to help with those reading goals!

The Performance: sometimes going home for Christmas is just one huge performance…

When Ariel returns home from dance college, her mother expects her to perform the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy in a pink, sequined tutu in front of many, many party guests. Ariel adjusts the costume and choreography to expose dark truths about her life, but, as it turns out, this is not the biggest performance of the night…

New Books and Special Offers

If you would like to hear about new books and special offers, you can follow my Amazon author page.

About Page

Read all about little old me here

Writer’s Tip Jar

July 28, 2025March 17, 2026

Loch Morlich: big blog, little blog

The Cairngorm mountains beyond Loch Morlich

Beautiful Loch Morlich, Cairngorms beyond, still with patches of snow in June.

Little Blog Written by Loch Morlich

This blog was originally sent from holiday in June 2019. I was completely depleted by my autoimmune conditions, at that point undiagnosed, and spent most of the holiday lying in bed reading books.

Honesty in Writing

It seems strange, looking back on it now, that I tried to keep my health problems a secret. Only happy pictures got posted on socials, such as ones of Aviemore Stone Circle and Reindeer in the Cairngorms. The gargantuan effort it took to get to these places, or how I hardly left the car, did not get mentioned.

I didn’t want it to be true. I wanted to ‘snap out of it’. Because I didn’t want that to be the way of me.

I still don’t, of course, and it is generally better now, flare ups aside. I guess I’m becoming more open and accepting of the situation, and I like to write honestly everywhere, not just in my books.

Big Blog

From bed I shared the news of my guest post on the official tourism site for Aberdeen and Aberdeenshire: 10 Mystical and Magical Places in Aberdeenshire (now here on the blog). Below is Pitsligo Castle, one of the sites featured in that post.

Ducks by Loch Morlich

On the pictured morning I walked very slowly from the car to the loch, and it was wonderful to be out among such beauty. I was on the banks of Loch Morlich before the ducks were up! And probably back in bed before they were too…

My Latest Historical Novel

“Ethereal and spellbinding….” Historical Novel Society

Amazon UK

Amazon Worldwide

See the press release here

Read the article Roman Aberdeenshire features in author’s new book from Grampian Online.

About Page

See my About Page here

Writer’s Tip Jar

July 21, 2025July 21, 2025

A Misty Monday Morning

Marching through the woods. Past the bell heather. Down the hill and through the trees.

New Reviews for Castle Dancers

I did nothing to get reviews for this series, putting out no ARCS at all. I was protecting my health this time, as I’d previously found the whole ARC thing quite stressful. Organic reviews from lovely readers are trickling in now, though.

On X:

On Amazon.com/Goodreads:

About the Series:

Meet Ariel and her classmates, Bubbles and Alexander, along with a whole cast of vibrant characters, as they experience love, life and adventure at the most prestigious dance school in Scotland.

Each book in this coming-of-age series delves into the personal struggles and heartfelt romances of a different student over the course of a school year. As the spotlight shifts its focus within the old walls of the castle, there are television shows to be made and dark truths to be faced.

Join these young dancers as they whirl through their challenges, forge unbreakable bonds, and discover the power within themselves. Are you ready to travel to Northern Scotland, step into the castle school and dance through the deep dark of the dungeon?

Castle Dancers Series on Amazon UK

Castle Dancers Series on Amazon Worldwide

Newsletter and Free Story

You will receive a free short story when you sign up for my occasional, more-intimate-than-the-blog newsletter (the story can be read in a browser too).

The Performance: sometimes going home for Christmas is just one huge performance…

New Books and Special Offers

If you would like to hear about new books and special offers, you can follow my Amazon author page.

See my About Page here

Writer’s Tip Jar

July 21, 2025April 25, 2026

Looking for Reindeer in the Cairngorms

Cairngorm Skies

There were dramatic skies the last time I went to look for reindeer in the Cairngorms. They were beautiful though. These were skies to stand and stare at.

And mountains to walk around in.

The Funicular Railway

The funicular railway was out of service, due to cracks having been discovered in the cement so, with my autoimmune conditions flaring, I didn’t venture as high into the landscape as I would have liked.

Lentil Soup

It was more of a restful day than an energetic one. A ‘lentil soup in the cavernous restaurant at the base station’ type of day (you will get lentil soup everywhere you go in Scotland).

Those Reindeer in the Cairngorms

The free-ranging reindeer herd remained elusive on this trip, but here’s an older photo of them. There are much better pictures on their own website!

Chosen Sisters, Romans and Romance

“Ethereal and spellbinding….” Historical Novel Society

See the press release here

Amazon UK

Amazon Worldwide

Read the article Roman Aberdeenshire features in author’s new book from Grampian Online.

See my About Page

Go here to sign up for occasional emails that always include exclusive photos and news of my writing and life. They’re a more intimate space than the blog.

Writer’s Tip Jar

July 15, 2025November 24, 2025

Spoonie Days, a Pink Sunrise and Snowy Spring

Post from 2022. That was a beautiful pink sunrise a few weeks ago over a local doocot. Before I got ill. And spoonie time started. Again. Sigh.

Having revelled my way through the beauty of winter, celebrating the fact I was staying so well, I have been struck down once more. But I’ve been a lot worse. And I’m not in hospital, so that’s good. And, as my appearance here today shows, the medication is starting to kick in.

Spoonie Days

I have managed to keep up my writing schedule. My first spoon of the day goes on that. There’s quite a good explanation of the term spoonie here. Basically, spoons represent the energy you have for tasks and activities each day. And with chronic illness, the spoons can be very limited.

A Dancer’s Journey Series

These books are long, and involved. They’re rather a Magnum Opus at over 100,000 words each. They’re all at different stages of the editing/proofing process. I’m so enjoying working with all the editing feedback and bringing them together into something strange, intense and, hopefully, beautiful. So they will still be out this year. I will not stop till they’re done. Update: Amazon!

But that’s my blogging spoon spent. For today. I’ll leave you with the scene that greets me most mornings at the moment… I’m not sure what happened to spring!

My Books

Historical Fiction from Ailish Sinclair. Witches, kidnapping, Romans and romance.

SISTERS AT THE EDGE OF THE WORLD opens on a snowy winter solstice in 1st century Scotland. The main character is neurodivergent, and has been non-verbal until that first scene of the book.
If you like castles, Scotland, history, witches, stone circles and Christmas done medieval-style, you might like THE MERMAID AND THE BEAR. There’s also a love story.
FIREFLIES AND CHOCOLATE was inspired by the kidnapped children of 18th century Aberdeen, and is set in both Scotland and Colonial Pennsylvania.

They’re all available in paperback, kindle and on kindle unlimited.

Amazon UK

Amazon Worldwide

Newsletter and Updates

Go here to sign up for occasional emails that always include some exclusive photos and news of my writing and life. They’re a more intimate space than the blog. If you would rather just hear about new books and offers, you can follow my Amazon author page.